And almost done

 Graduation is tomorrow.

Today, I submitted my grades and finished my syllabi and verified that I don't have to have my post-tenure review stuff in immediately I am back on campus, so I can put the finishing bits on it when I come back. I moved most of the lab stuff for my soils class back into the "renovated" lab; I will get the rest of it there Monday. Monday afternoon and Tuesday I will pack and do a little cleanup here and make sure I've run necessary errands (bank, having mail held...) 

And then Wednesday - the yarn shop, and then on to the train station and break, and Christmas.

I did finish one thing last night, and I'm pleased; this will go in my mom's stocking. It's simple but these dishcloths are always useful, even if you have a dishwasher (as she does) there are always pans or delicate utensils better hand washed.

It's the "Grandmother's Dishcloth" pattern, which is simple to do and takes about half a ball (maybe a bit more) of that yarn that is sometimes sold as "dishcloth cotton"

I also knit a fair amount more on the garter-stitch part of Syyslaulu, though I still have maybe fifty rows to go before I can start the lace part. I think I'll take it with me and try to finish it, and I have several pairs of socks in progress, and the new scarf/shawl I bought yarn for last weekend. 

I never knit or read on breaks as much as I think I will though; I think I just get tired during the semester and sometimes I spend a lot of time just sitting.

I do still have to do which cards I plan to send; that might be a task for after graduation tomorrow.
 

Human and messy

*update* Now at least one commenter is insinuating that it's an elaborate hoax, and because of the "rule of three" in some of the descriptions, the whole piece I linked was written by an LLM as a THING and I don't even know any more, maybe I really DO just refuse to read anything written before 2022. I hate this all, I hate the future being shoved down our throats. (many things about the future being forced on us). I guess you can't trust anything 

 

 This essay showed up linked on Metafilter, and I perhaps will note: maybe don't read the comments (someone comes in and basically suggests running it through an AI to "de messify it" and to "stop making everyone a stereotype" and then people start fighting back and forth. There are few things on MeFi that DON'T lead to a comments-fight).

 

But I found it interesting, even if it's a different style than I'd write in (but that's also part of the point of my post). The writer here describes himself as Blind (he also describes himself as gay and as "an obscure writer")

He describes - I have no idea how fictionalized this account is, but it feels true - how his writers group devolves when a couple AI bros move in and push people to use things like Claude to generate their prose

The Colonization of Confidence 

In particular, I was struck by what happened to Leo - who wrote powerful and surprising images (collard greens' smell "subduing the air in the kitchen," which, yes, anyone who's been somewhere with some kind of mustard family plant cooking nods in recognition, even if they never thought of it that way before) that get smoothed out to a bland pabulum when he starts using an AI to "help."

And he gradually loses his voice - because he loses his confidence. Because he believes AI is better at it than he is, culminating with him successfully selling an AI written essay to a magazine. (I recoiled in horror at that bit).

And the writer of the piece describes making a NEW writer's group, one that doesn't use AI, one that embraces the messiness and humanity.

And that's what struck me. That's part of why I dislike AI taking over "art" and "humanities" in particular.

When I read, I want to be surprised. I want to be made to think in a way I'd not thought before. I want to see someone else's experience that is different to my own, and, sitting with it, try to understand it. I don't want some kind of bastardized average human experience, smoothed and "corrected" via an algorithm that is trying to make the most "marketable" thing. 

I don't want writing that is like a slick tv ad! I want the messiness and humanity and genuine emotion! 

And I don't know how we stop the onslaught of AI, other than, maybe, refusing to buy books written with it - which may eventually become "buy no books written after 2022" because just as bad money can drive out good, I suspect stuff like AI may drive out the quirky, real, genuine-ness of writing.

***

I used to write. I was never very good. I wrote poetry, a lot of it (I posted a little on here years back). Most of it, as I said, wasn't good, which was why I never submitted poetry or stories anywhere. But it was enough for me to have written it. It was enough to take the idea I had and either scribble it down in a bound blank book, or type it into a Word file, and edit it a little, and then periodically look at it again and think "I wrote this. It came out of my brain, and it helped me deal with the world."

I wish more people would just do the messy writing and put it out there.

I wish there weren't so many people looking to profit by promoting what some call "slop engines" - the algorithms that turn everything into something inoffensive and the equivalent of a simple bland frozen dinner - unchallenging to the palate and maybe actually not that nutritious and probably stuffed with artificial ingredients. I like the messiness and the reality.

And also: sometimes there are - and there SHOULD  be - things you just for yourself. Like the poems I never tried to publish or share. Sometimes I wrote them because an image popped into my mind and I wanted to play with it and develop it; other times, I was having Big Feelings and sitting down and writing about them helped me process them. I am not at all convinced telling an AI "I am in deep grief, write a poem about someone grieving" would help in that way. 

AI writing doesn't have the element or surprise or whimsy or novelty. I admit sometimes when I post a riposte to a joke someone made on Bluesky, or make a standalone joke myself I think "Hah! an AI couldn't do that." I am good at "lateral thinking" when my brain is having a good day and I'm firing on all cylinders and it feels to me like an AI can't do that kind of leap-of-thought that is a very human thing, and that some humans enjoy both reading and doing - the whole "Aha!" moment thing. 

And I admit, I worry about it.  I worry about what happened to Leo happening to a lot of people, I have had fellow profs (mostly at other universities) report that their students don't "trust" their own writing any more and feel like they have to use Chat GPT or Claud as a "crutch" to help them write. Or that it's "easier" than doing the hard work of generating a draft and then editing it (And an aside: I yell at my students about how you really should probably spend at least twice as long editing a paper as you spent  writing the original draft. An entire YEAR of my Ph.D. program was just me doing rewrite after rewrite of my dissertation, and finding additional sources or cutting out some references or doing the analysis a little differently and rewriting with that)

I don't know if I'm being alarmist when I think "we are going to lose something of what makes us human if we give too much of this kind of thing over to AI" but other days I do not think I am being alarmist enough about it.... 

A different day

 Yeah, I just needed some time to get used to that I'd have to change the plans I had made. 

I mean, in the long run it matters less than getting the right person for the position. But I am heartily tired of Zoom interviews of people. 

Anyway, I realized, looking at a map, that Farmersville is not a VERY long detour on the way to Mineola, and if I was ready to leave early (like: before the shop opens) from here on Wednesday, I could get down there and have an hour or two to go to the yarn shop AND get lunch and then detour back onto the road to Mineola, and get to the train station in time. And that way, it costs less gas in the long run. And I still get my yarn shop trip. So maybe I do that. 

I got all my exams given, and three of them graded. (Well, except for one or two for the "extra time accommodation" folks, and maybe I'll get those back tomorrow). I do have to write my third syllabus yet; maybe I do that tomorrow. And move the lab equipment I moved LAST spring back into the soils lab. 

My evening things are done. Tonight was Board Meeting, and these days, with money troubles and not a permanent minister, there's always that fear going in of "is this the month we have to decide to start the shut down process?" and I admit it would break my heart to go through that (especially since I drive by the church regularly, and would hate to see it empty and unused, or taken over by some other group, or, worst of all, torn down (it's an old building and admittedly it has problems)

But not this month. We're good at least through February and it sounds like it will go on beyond that; there's plans to fix a broken part in the heating system in a way that you wouldn't do if you were nearing a shut down. So, I don't know. We've hung on for 22 years since the congregational split but we don't ever seem to grow any more. Which is sad, because it's a very nice group of people, very welcoming, and it fills a niche some of the more....conservative...congregations do not. 

So there's that relief, and also the promise that maybe tomorrow night I'll be done with schoolwork and can concentrate on cleaning up my office and moving equipment around on Friday. Saturday is graduation; Sunday is church. Monday I turn in grades and do last minute stuff over at school; Tuesday pack - and if I can be as ready as possible before Monday morning, I could leave in time to get down to Yarn and You shortly after they open at 10, and then have some time to shop and also, as I said, get a nicer lunch than I might here. 

So, yeah, "adapt, improvise, overcome" or something like that.

Also today I got a gift from a friend - two handturned wood bowls, ones her husband made. One is the ideal size to use to hold a ball of yarn when I knit so it doesn't skate all over the floor. And another friend sent me isopod stickers and a pink glittery enamel pin of what looks like a horseshoe crab. And the secretary at church made gifts - book covers - for all the women in CWF (we use a study book in there). So I have received a few nice gifts.

(And I HAVE to make time to get cards out soon, before I leave town).

And the replacement gift I ordered for my mom apparently came. I HAD ordered her four pounds of Anasazi beans from Adobe Milling, and I never, ever heard back from them (their website said they'd e-mail with the actual shipping cost if it was going to be an odd sized package and wouldn't work in a flat rate box) and I was afraid they'd just gone out of business and had a zombie website up. And so my replacement order was from Mount Hope Wholesale, which has similar products.

well, it apparently arrived at her place today.

so she's going to get EIGHT pounds of beans as part of her gift. Oh well.  

change in plans

 I'm upset.

 So I had said: I have plans Friday, could we not have interviews that day?

 And after today's one: "Oh, we need to do the next three on the list"

 

and it turns out they are only free Friday.

I give exams all day tomorrow. Thursday I am tied up until AT LEAST 11 depending on when that interview is. 

Saturday is graduation

Sunday and Monday the yarn shop I wanted to go to is closed, and at that I am filling in for Meals on Wheels Monday. Tuesday I have to pack and take care of things before I leave town. 

Wednesday I leave town, and while, yes, the yarn shop is SORT OF on the way (but not really, and I don't know how to get back to the route I need to Mineola from there, and I also don't like to plan things like that where there's a tight schedule because WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS

 

So I guess I don't go. 

I'm mad and sad even as I am going "this is really a sign you have too much yarn and aren't allowed to have  more" 

It's more the: I would like to get out,somewhere that's not in town, somewhere that's not a FLYING trip where I have to hurry for other things. I had wanted to go before Christmas to see the decorations in the town. 

But no. I'm the good little donkey who works herself until she drops dead, who never takes time for fun or joy. And who doesn't even come home to someone who loves her and thinks she matters.

 

I'll get over it, I guess, but it's just another in a chain of disappointments. 

The only hope is if the interview on Thursday is early and I can leave here at 11. But I'm not counting on that. And I'm counting on something ELSE coming up, a student  missing and exam and DEMANDING the make up at a time I might have gone. 

And no, I don't think I can skip graduation (if I'd known, I'd have signed up for the Friday evening graduate one, but I don't know anyone graduating in that group). And it'll doubtless last until noon

 

It's an hour down to the yarn shop AT LEAST. And I don't want to drive back as it's getting dark (5 pm-ish) because I see BADLY after dark. And I hate being rushed. I just wanted a day, ONE DAY one stupid stinking day to do what I wanted and run around and shop

(When I get up to my mom's it looks like it will be icy, so: stuck at her house. I better bring extra projects, I guess)

 

Anyway, I feel cheated. Again, I know I buy way too much into fairy-tale logic that if you're a good and kind person you will be rewarded. Universe don't work like that, if you're a good and kind person you get taken advantage of and sometimes mocked and sometimes beaten down for it and I'm stupid to be that way but I can't be otherwise. 

 

so okay FINE I guess I wait until, who knows when, to go. 

And I'd say "well, when I retire I'll do all this stuff" but I half expect we'll either be in Great Depression II by then, or some kind of global war, and I'll be struggling to stay alive, let alone have any enjoyment at all.

 

I'm just mad and frustrated at how I can't plan ANYTHING in my life without having it changed. 

Monday evening things

 * Going out to go home early this afternoon, I saw something lying in the parking lot. At first I thought it was a bit of trim off a car, but as I got closer, I saw it was a wallet. Picked it up, could see there was a driver's license in it - so I figured I could either find the person or leave it with the secretary as lost and found. Turns out it was one of our grad students, whom I know slightly, and so as I headed in to ask the secretary if she knew where she was, I heard the student's voice and went down the hall - she was on the phone - I held out the wallet and said "is this yours?"

It was. She was apparently on the phone, I couldn't tell whether asking her husband to look for it or what. But she was relieved to get it back, I guess she didn't notice it falling out of her backpack or purseSo at least I helped someone today. 

 *Tonight was CWF. I made the "cowboy caviar" for it (basically: marinated black beans, ripe olives and onions chopped up and served on top of cream cheese with a chopped hard boiled egg on top). I guess people liked it - I know I like it but it makes too much for just me. 

*But just before I left home, I sound something LOUD that I first feared was a branch coming down on my car (no) then I wondered if it was a car wreck (but I didn't hear sirens then). As I got down to the church I got a voicemail and text from the city: a train had derailed on the tracks about a half-mile east of me, and so several crossings were blocked. (I fretted a but, but there was no follow up "if you live in this radius, leave" and I'm not sure what I would have done had I not been able to get a hotel room)

Turns out it was the best possible outcome - none of the train employees (A couple engineers, I guess, I don't even know if freights have brakemen on them any more) were hurt, and it was "dry goods" on the train that were non-hazardous (so I don't know if it was like animal feed or what, but apparently if it spilled it wasn't an environmental hazard)

* At church, one of my fellow elders came up to me and pulled me aside and said "I want to ask you something" and I got nervous; we're all wondering when we run out of money and out of potential pulpit fillers and if we may have to shut down in the next year and I thought "oh no, here it comes, the 'do you think we should discuss this at Board Meeting'"

I was massively relieved to find out her worry was: the retired Episcopalian rector is filling the pulpit BUT his bishop did not give him permission to preside at the table, would I do it?

I mean, it's funny to me, as a lifelong Disciple of Christ - here I am, an unordained person with essentially no formal theological training (And a woman to boot, but I doubt that would matter to today's Episcopalians) and I can do this but apparently the ordained minister isn't permitted to. (Doctrinal differences can be a heck of a thing)

But of course I could do it. I've done it before. I've filled the pulpit before. I get that some people are uncomfortable with public speaking but man, this was the least of least things she could ask me to do. And like I said, relieved; sounds like they've got the pulpit filled for the rest of the year and into January.

I know the retired rector very slightly which probably increases my comfort at doing it. But yeah, I'm fine with it. 

So anyway, I passed the rest of the evening in better cheer than I might have otherwise.

* Got my first syllabus written today; I plan to do the other two tomorrow. I had a lot of make up exam people today and had to get them graded.

* My frivolous Christmas gift to myself came today. Yes, it is another stuffed animal. I ordered from Stuffed Safari, who I've had good service from in the past.

A large (like, a foot and a half tall, seated) Fennec fox:

 He was sold as "weighted," but it's not quite the "weighted for anxiety therapy" - more like plastic beads in the butt and feet so he sits upright.

His hangtag - he's from Aurora, the Snuggluv line -is in four languages and tonight I realized I had never known that "Zorro" meant "Fox" in Spanish. And I decided to take that as his name. He doesn't LOOK much like a "Zorro" but I like it for him.

 * I also did get  down to Denison Saturday, despite it being very foggy (and at one point I wondered if I should turn back, but at that point I was almost halfway there, and I would have had to have pulled off at an unfamiliar exit). I was seeking yarn for the Jollity shawl pattern I bought (A Louise Tilbrook pattern). I had thought that if Quixotic Fibers still had two skeins of their 2025  Christmas sockyarn - called "Mulled Wine," that would be a perfect colorway for it.

I was fortunate, they did:

 I also got to see the (artificial, I'm quite sure it's hollow and on a frame) tree that they put up over the fountain at the Katy Depot:

I was also able to get to Albertson's for groceries.

I still have half a plan to drive to Farmersville on Friday and go to Yarn and You again. 
 

Classes are over

 It's hard to feel really excited or triumphant or anything, though. Today was just lots and lots of grading in between a couple of job-candidate interviews. The thing actually due today were "hypothetical project plans" (to see how well my stats students could actually write something where they'd talk about collecting data and using a particular test) BUT I also had a bunch of late stuff I had to do - one student who had to have emergency nasal surgery (I didn't ask) had to make up an exam, and I had agreed to accept some late work from another person, and there were the "late accommodations" papers (this is a thing now: in addition to some folks getting extra time on exams, they get more time to complete things like homework, nevermind I give a minimum of a week on short assignments and almost a month on some that require more background work). There's a lot more asked of faculty, now, I think, and it's tiring, because it seems like invisible work - no one cares how tired you are, or how you're struggling to complete things at the last possible minute because the other people need maximum time for it.

At least I got home early enough (4 pm) to do the half-hour workout I didn't do this morning. Tuesday-ish (it's hard to remember, days all run together) I tweaked my knee again somehow (I think I hyperextened it a little) and it was REALLY hurting. I was afraid, actually, I'd reinjured it or injured it worse. But then this morning (after forcing myself through most of a workout Thursday morning) the pain was mostly gone, but one thing I've learned about chronic-ish pain? it carries its own fear with it. By that, I mean if you have  a bad pain day, you think "this is it, I really messed up the cartilage for real and it's either surgery or hurting this badly forever" but then something happens - the air pressure changes, or you sleep in the right position for once, or you happen to eat the right anti-inflammatory thing, and you wake up NOT HURTING. And then you're nervous all day because "what if I step down just wrong and mess it up again." So I decided to put off exercising, on the grounds that if I hurt after an afternoon workout, at least I didn't have to go through an entire day of work. 

But no, it still doesn't hurt tonight. So I don't know. ("She falls in a well, eyes go crossed, she gets kicked by a mule they go back to normal, I don't know!").

 I'm hoping it remains good for at least a few days. I WILL say I think the standing on the hard floors (and when they redid them, they made them just as hard as before) in the classroom is the issue. I thought about getting a foam mat to stand on but (a) I like to roam around when I teach, walking helps me think and (b) I'd have to carry it from classroom to classroom, because I'd have to buy it myself and I'm not buying one for every room I might be in. 

Monday I go in because I have yet again a few people needing to make up an exam, and Monday night is CWF. Tuesday in my next exam, and then Wednesday I give two (sigh). 

 

I'm really hoping I can "steal" Friday next week and maybe even get back down to Yarns and You; I've been wanting to go back and haven't been able to get away. (Saturday is graduation; this Saturday is the last Zoom knitting meetup I'll be able to attend this year so it wouldn't be good for that, though I might still go to Sherman early to go to the Albertson's, and I bought a Louise Tilbrook shawl pattern needing 2 skeins of sockyarn, and if they still have two balls of the WYS Christmas yarn ("Mulled Wine") for this year, I feel like it would be perfect for that. (Yes, I COULD mailorder from them, but given how slow the mail has been recently, it wouldn't come before I left for my mom's, probably, and I'd like to start it over break) 

 

Thursday evening things

 Tonight was the AAUW Christmas party. As we have for the past few years, we planned it for the fellowship hall of my church. But then I found out the heat was out, and the repair guys were unlikely to show up in time. The secretary did offer to put the space heaters they used for the mothers' day out program down there, and leave a couple running.

I informed the group. One member  offered her house (some folks have weekly cleaners, so their houses are always clean. Mine is not.) I didn't really want to do that, she hosted it a few years ago and it's in a new housing development north of town, with streets *not* on a grid (and that run unpredictably into each other) and last time we had the Christmas party there, it was so dark out when I left, and I was so unfamiliar with the area, that I got turned around and wound up on the far west side of town, rather than the east side, where I lived. So I pushed for the "let's just use the space heaters" (also there is better parking/more accessibility at the church). 

I went down there after school (and that's a whole other thing) to set up. A couple of the space heaters apparently blew the fuses in the outlets they were in; at any rate, they weren't running and when I moved them to a different outlet they were fine. The made it warm enough, marginally, but I felt bad and wondered  if I was wrong not to immediately acquiesce to the alternate place that was far out of the way for me and somewhere I'm uncomfortable driving. 

I decided not to do the white grape juice and ginger ale punch, figuring people might want something hot, so instead I took a large bottle of apple juice I had bought and heated it in a stockpot with a tea infuser full of spices, and one of the other members brought already-made coffee (I am not familiar with making coffee, and didn't want to try, but she knew and brought a pot of coffee)

People slowly showed up. At first I was fretting thinking "what if they all ditched me and went  to the other person's house, and forgot to notify me (childhood experiences can make deep scars, I guess). Eight of us were there, not a bad turn out (one woman was out of town, another one was having to sit with a family member after a procedure)

I felt bad about it being cold. I have a big need to make everything perfect, I guess, and I feel like it's somehow my fault even when it isn't. One woman kept laughing and saying she always liked it when little things went wrong, and while I didn't say anything, I admit it annoyed me even more having the fact that things were less than ideal pointed out to me.

Oh, the food was good, and for once, I got a gift in the blind gift exchange I actually wanted (a fancy liquid hand soap and matching-scented hand lotion, and a special scrubby for washing dishes. And I guess my hat was appreciated by the person who got it. 

 But I'm also thinking about some discussion from Bluesky about people talking about how Christmas was more fun when they were kids and the general consensus from other people was "yeah? it was magical because your parents made it magical for you!" and yeah? And there was some talk of all the "care labor" that people like parents have to do for things like that and, yeah, I guess maybe what had me in a bad mood was that I was focusing on what I had to get done so the party would work (provide the drinks, make sure the space was warm enough, find serving utensils and hand wash them and put them away after dinner, remember to lock up after and turn off and unplug all the heaters....) and yeah, I see that.

But the problem is I do a lot of care labor on a low level (a lot of the stuff with students) but I don't often get it done for me these days. I mean....part of the reason I sometimes get restaurant food more than is probably healthy for me these days is that it's the illusion of being cared for (even though I am paying for it) and it's also not having to cook for myself on top of everything else....but I definitely can tell I feel frayed right now.  

But yeah, I was kind of exhausted and that may have affected my mood - last night, I had to make those darn meatballs, and I also started grading the big papers, and there was a job-candidate interview. And today there was another one, and I did more grading, and gave an exam, and got those 2/3 of the way graded.....and I am just tired and  ready to be on break, but it's not for like ten more days, and those are going to be long days. (There are *two* candidate interviews tomorrow...)

 But there were a few minutes, after everyone had left - calling out merry Christmases to each other, because we won't see each other again until February - I had to stay back to lock up and I stood there in the quiet dark hall before heading through the fellowship hall and kitchen and out to my car, where it was quiet and really, yeah, maybe a little holy. I know this place well; it's been my church for 25 years, and I admit some days, given staffing and financial challenges, I worry how much longer we will exist. 

But yes, that moment was quiet and familiar feeling, in the big dark building, after it was over and everyone had left, and that was one more "requirement" off my plate 

 

"Where's the Tylenol?"

 I started these socks - the pattern is called Roadside Attraction - last Christmas. I kind of stalled out on them after the holiday - partly I was busy and hurting with the whole "being exiled to different buildings on campus and it takes a lot more cognitive effort to plan for teaching" thing last spring semester. 

Partly because the yarn colorway was Christmas themed

 The colorway is called Griswold Christmas Tree, hence the post title.

Yes, it's very much a movie I should not like, and I also know Chevy Chase is generally seen as a miserable b-stard in real life (from what I've read of him), and yet.....the movie does have its weird appeal. Part of it for me is seeing people having a more miserable time than you are, and remembering that Christmas isn't all Hallmark snow and people happily reconnecting. 

And his rant at the end - well, I first saw the "sanitized for network tv" version (but have seen the full version) and frankly there's something cathartic about it. I've never said the whole unredacted "where's the tylenol" bit but I will admit to having THOUGHT it once or twice.

Despite being inspired by a burned-up Christmas tree resulting from a crabby old man with a stogie, the colorway IS kind of nice: 

 Maybe I'll get them finished THIS year. I'm working on the foot of the first sock and I'm past the gusset decreases.

Two finished hats

 I finished both the hat projects over break (and also worked a bit more on the Cosmic Dust socks, and started a pair of fingerless mitts, but those aren't very far along yet).

 The first one was the "Free Breakfast" hat, which is knit in a waffle pattern (get it?) This is of a Loops and Threads (I think that was the name) dk weight from Michael's - basically a competitor to Wool-Ease in weight and fiber content, but it's actually....nicer than Wool-Ease? it's more tightly spun so it's easier to knit and it shows the stitches better. Doesn't come in as many colors, though. I chose a deep, almost brick/cranberry red:

 This will be the gift for the AAUW gift exchange on Thursday, so I'm glad I got it done. (I do still have to make a batch of those raspberry-turkey meatballs, but that's probably a Wednesday evening thing)

And I finished a hat for me. This pattern is Tin Can Knits' "Toast" though I did mess something up with the crown decreases (it doesn't show but the pattern peters out a little at the end.

This is of a hand-dyed (by the former owner of Quixotic Fibers) on a base yarn with sequins in (they are carried along on a thread that wraps the main yarn). The color is called "Mermaid," a very deep blue-green:

I also have some yarn in that sort of acid green I like (also dyed by Carla) for another "Free Breakfast" hat but that will come later on. 

 

I also got a LOT of grading done today but I will say I was generally pleased with my environmental-policy students' court-case write ups. Several people brought in personal experience as to why they chose their case (one person did a paper on a groundwater pollution case, and he noted his family had ranch land and they needed access to clean water for the cattle). So hopefully they did get something out of the class this fall.

And I'm back

 Break was really busy and especially hectic once my brother and his family got there. I did a bunch of the cooking and I walked the dog a number of times (which I don't MIND, except I don't love the "baggie" part of it)

I did get some boba tea

 

 

And here's the dog; he's like 13 years old but still doing well and when he first got there he had to zoom all around the house and then run back to my mom and to me to get us to pet him. In this photo he's trying to scam me out of part of my (home cooked) cheeseburger on Friday:

 

 

But I'm home now. Got out about 16 hours before the snow it, but it also sounds less bad than what they were predicting, at least for Saturday. 

It was cold in St. Louis when we got down there around 7:30 last night. 

It was hectic on the train (of course; Thanksgiving returning traffic) and a couple of the employees were out of sorts (I heard a car attendant - not mine - arguing (well, more: complaining to) my car attendant; apparently they had been having a problem with people trying to claim they had roommettes or bedrooms they actually didn't have, and given all the rooms were sold....well, I guess it was a hassle. And apparently a guy who had been overserved AND already had a broken arm fell in the vestibule between two cars and it was hard to get him up and back to his seat between his broken arm (and apparently the booze he was carrying and didn't want to surrender). There were also a lot of loud kids, at least until Little Rock. 

So I deployed my earplugs and my Comfort Items:

 

This morning was better, even though I didn't sleep very well (loud, even with earplugs) 

After getting off in Mineola, though....Low tire pressure. Okay, fine, I got out my little compressor. It seemed to be taking a while and then when I looked closer, I saw the head of a nail in one of the treads (luckily in the TREAD and not SIDEWALL).

I seem to have bad tire luck there. A decade ago I had a flat on the way, and had to drive on it for a bit until I could safely get off (and fortunately at a business - in fact an insurance office - with someone who was good at changing tires and did it for me) and I had to arrange to buy a pair of new tires from a place in Mineola when I got back so I could drive home safely. Then a couple years ago I had a slow leak that the same tire place patched. Today, they were closed for the holiday but I found another, smaller place, and I figured since it was a simple repair, anyone could do it. Fifteen minutes and fifteen dollars later I was back on the road. 

But I needed to eat. So when I got to Greenville and bought gas (at a Valero that had the SLOWEST pumps I have ever seen) I looked up nearby places I could easily get to (I refused to get onto I-30) using my phone. 

There was a Waffle House. So I decided, heck, I could do breakfast-for-lunch and I have *never eaten at a Waffle House,* despite living 25 years in the South (we didn't have Waffle Houses in Ohio or Illinois)

 I got a pecan waffle and ham and a glass of milk. It was pretty good for road food, certainly better than fast food, and it's entertaining to watch the line of cooks doing their thing (I sat at the counter, the place was fairly crowded)

So then a stop at Albertson's, and finally home.

And I finally got around to deploying a silly thing I bought before Thanksgiving on a trip to Five Below. They had some Christmas Movie-themed dog and cat sweaters and when I saw the Home Alone* one, I laughed and said "I have to get that and put it on someone" and then I thought of my great big Discord plushie (and put the size M back and got an L instead) because he seemed so perfect for it

He has it on back to front and the curved hem for the dog's belly just allows his wings to emerge. I was thinking I'd have to make like big buttonholes on the back to accommodate his wings, but they are pretty low on his body

 This pleases me.

I also finished the waffle hat for the gift exchange and the hat for *myself* out of the blue-green sequined yarn; pictures of those will come later. 

I’m In Illinois

 We were even mostly on time

I got a photo of the Gateway to the West (“the Arch”) as we went past. It’s one of the better pictures of it I’ve taken through the years. It was kind of hazy or foggy and gives a slightly atmospheric coloration 

Little more hat

 My allergies have been really nightmarish; until today it was dry and unnaturally hot, and everyone (seemingly) was out leaf blowing earlier this week. I’ve had a sore throat and runny nose (it’s not covid, and I’m not sick enough for flu; this is either allergies, something like a viral sinus infection, or a light cold. I haven’t had a fever, so I don’t know.)

Yes, I am still traveling tomorrow. If it were flu or covid, I wouldn’t, but I have a compartment. (And I warned my mom, but since I started with this Tuesday, I may well no longer be contagious if it’s a cold)

I might post a little from the road.

I’m almost packed, I still need to decide on shoes and put in the things I need in the morning (medications and makeup and the like). 

I didn’t finish the gift hat but I also give an exam tomorrow:

I have a couple more inches before the crown decreases. Not sure I’ll get that far tomorrow but maybe I can take it with me to finish 

Almost break time

 Unfortunately I have two afternoon meetings tomorrow, so I decided to do what packing I can today (I leave Friday, and I have to do that jolly quick after class, especially if there's still road construction on 69/75)

Most of my clothes are in. I still have to figure out shoes (these days, because of my knee, I'm a little constrained as regards shoes). I do still have to put in all the toiletries/medications/toothbrush and stuff, that's Friday morning.

But I also wanted to wind off yarn for a new project - some fingerless mitts in a knit-purl pattern. And I had the yarn I wanted for them - a skein of Purl's Yarn Emporium Adventure Yarn in the colorway "Healing Hands" (orange, pink, and cream). 

But. Apparently it was either mis-skeined or I got it twisted because it would not unwind cleanly on my swift. I wound up having to pick through the loops for a while, winding what I got off into a ball, until it loosened up. But then I had to keep winding it that way the rest of the way.

Once I got the big ball, I decided I really wanted it into a cake - because it's more loosely wound that way and it compacts down better (for packing) and it doesn't put strain on the yarn like being in a tight ball would. But it still didn't cooperate, and it took a long time to wind it off. I hope that's not a bad omen for the project (or my trip).

I got more done on the gift hat while giving an exam today; I will have to see what I can get done tomorrow evening before I decide if I try hauling it along to finish it, or if I can trust I can make time to do it before the party. 

 

These stupid times

 Maybe you've heard it. Maybe not. But there was a woman, asking a very highly placed man a question. The woman was a reporter; the man didn't like the question. 

So, instead of sucking it up and answering, or even deflecting to an underling to explain, he told her to be quiet. And added the epithet "piggy"

 

Okay, if you've not been a woman - if you've not been a woman who was unpopular as a kid, or gained weight when she "developed," or had men say gross things to her, you might not realize how deeply that cuts. But it does.

I've said before, I was a bullied kid in school. I wasn't popular. There were reasons, some of them not entirely fair - my family had less money than the median family in that town, or at any rate, my parents didn't do conspicuous consumption like some of the other families. And I was a weird kid. Probably some flavor of neurodivergent; I still am*. I cried easily, I got fixated on things, I was anxious, I tended to like things "younger" than what my peers did (being told, for example that liking The Muppet Movie was "for babies" when I was about 11). I could also be a little pedant. That was probably the most forgivable reason for the kids bullying me, I don't know. (The money thing was probably the least, as it was in no way my doing). 

(*it's gotten worse, too. I can feel it being worse now than before the pandemic. I am far more awkward now)

But being called names. It's such a horrible, exclusionary thing. I got called "stupid" and "fatty" and the "r-slur" and any number of other things from like first grade and into high school (It was less in high school because I was at a prep school where (a) seeming shabby and down at the heels was actually kind of cool, and I had that naturally and (b) most of us were weird nerds who had not been happy in the earlier grades)

And I can't fully explain the unpleasant flashbacks hearing that reporter called "piggy" did to me. 

It does cut you from the pack. The person saying the word is immediately trying to imply you don't belong, you're defective. 

And while that can be defused if you are popular enough to have defenders, I never was. I don't EVER remember someone defending me when I was taunted as a school kid. 

Of course, that takes bravery to do. Because if you stand up for someone unpopular who is being taunted, it makes YOU unpopular, too. You get that loser-stink on you and it's hard to wash off. You become the person who stood up for that weird kid - oh no, maybe you LIKE them. And so few kids have that kind of gumption to risk rejection to defend a classmate, especially not someone they're not close friends already with.

But what made it worse? Back in the 1970s, the teachers - the adults in charge, the people with authority, perhaps with the power to shut down some of the bullying - they by and large did nothing in my school.

I'm not sure why. Maybe they didn't care. Maybe they thought kids like me deserved the hassling we got. Or maybe they believed in some kind of "law of the schoolyard" business, where "letting bullied kids be bullied" means they learn to work it out somehow** and also, maybe, it'll toughen them up and  make them stronger adults.

It didn't make me stronger. It made me afraid. As an adult I'm slow to open up to people because I learned young if you do that, it WILL be used against you some how. You can't trust, and maybe it's better not to like too quickly, because people will turn on you. 

It's unfair to the people around me but I still sometimes expect it as an adult - "why are they being friendly to me? is there an ulterior motive?"

(** and even back then? If it was the sort of shove-and-kick bullying boys did to each other, and a victim tried to beat up a bully, more often than not, the VICTIM got an in-school suspension. Because bullies learn to cover up what they're doing. Doubly so for girl-bullies, who use words and rumors and ostracization as their weapons)

And yes, as several people have pointed out: the reporter was there in a scrum. No one spoke up for her. No one challenged the (admittedly-powerful) man for his unnecessary slur. Cowards. Not wanting to get into the line of fire.  Just as much cowards as some of the kids I went to school with. Or devious; figuring if they pretended not to see what had been done, they would be able to keep access to that powerful man for their jobs. 

And yes, she's a full grown woman making a good salary and I suspect she has a partner and maybe kids who love her and helped take some of the sting away. (But it never really does; not fully - I had parents who loved me very much, and some of the other adults at church loved me almost like my parents, and I had a few friends - but that never quite makes up for the fear that maybe you really are defective). 

And I admit, maybe I let it hit me a little harder than I should have. But wow, do I remember that feeling, of hearing something like "STUPID!" yelled in a hallway and looking around just to see the source of the noise, and hearing that mocking laughter and "Oh look it knows its name" (An experience I had in, dear God, first grade, and I STILL remember it)

And yes, I need to let it go. But it's very hard when you have that experience so much as a kid. It puts doubt in your  mind - maybe I am ugly (to this day, I cannot realistically evaluate my appearance and more than once as an adult I've dissolved in tears while putting on make up or trying to do my hair because why can't I just look like the normal women I know?). Maybe I am stupid or weird or don't belong anywhere. 

And it's HARD.

And this year, with the seeming efflorescence of incivility in our culture***, I'm having flashbacks to bad grade school experiences. Oh, I'm OKAY, I guess, I keep soldiering on and when I get involved in a project I forget what it was that wounded me. But seeing it again, and again, and seeing it seemingly approved of by others.....well, it makes me think "yeah no don't go out into the world and try to make friends, it's too much risk of rejection and pain for the possible pay off of making a friend"

***And yes, it has always been such, more so for some groups I am not a part of. But until very recently it did feel like it was getting better, like people were becoming, if not more tolerant, more aware that open intolerance isn't cool and people didn't approve of it any more.....but maybe people are starting to approve of it again?

Honestly I remember going around as a kid wishing I was someone other than who I was - prettier, or tougher, or more palatable somehow to my peers. I still feel that, some times. But instead, I just kind of have to keep soldiering on and try to find ways to shut up that part of my mind that reminds me that "you're probably Not Right, that's why kids made fun of you all those years ago...." 

started the waffles

 I FINALLY got the twisted-stitch ribbing done and started the waffle pattern on the hat (2 rows plain, 2 rows p2, k2) and mercifully it goes faster. But I'm still worried about getting it done in time

 It looks nice, though, and I have some sort of pickleball-green yarn for one for myself. 

***

My ornament came today. I now have Jewelbrites of the Holy Family and one of each of the wise men (2 of Balthasar). I think this one is supposed to be Melchior. At least, it's different from the other two in terms of pose and painting

 this one also has a little clear glitter as "snow" on the ground, the others don't have that. (Yes, yes, there wasn't snow in the Holy Land, but also there's no textual evidence for there having been precisely three wise men or even for sure that they showed up at the manger)

and anyway, here, they look more like kings. (I know the Three Kings was a thing; when I was growing up they were always described to me as wise men; more like astronomers or advisors or something)

***

I did buy myself some treats while out on Saturday, and I did a bit more Christmas shopping (the natural-foods store had some nice things)

The silliest- and there fore the treatiest - treat I bought was this*

 Apparently Ulta did a collab with Peanuts. Of course most of the stuff is cosmetics (there was an eyeshadow palette and I don't really wear eyeshadow) but they had this guy in a little clear plastic box and I decided I wanted a little Snoopy wearing a tennis-team shirt. (It declares he is the captain of the Blazing Beagles). 

I kind of love this. It reminds me very much of the sort of toys like this when I was a kid - the Determined Productions (which I think later was absorbed by Applause, and now I think even Applause is gone). Stuffed animals with some kind of slight fantasy hook (it reminds me a little of the S.S. Happiness Crew, which I've written about before) - where there's some job or sport or club or other activity with characters in it. (Snoopy was the only one they had but it was slightly implied his siblings were also on the team - I know of Spike and Belle but I think there were other siblings in one  of the tv specials)

He is small - maybe about 8" - and very soft, and I hesitated at first but now I'm glad I bought him.

(There's another silly thing from Five Below, but I have to modify it slightly I think before it will work, so a picture will be later).  

Ready to relax

 I worked hard today so I can have tomorrow free. (if I'm okay to do so, see below).

I taught two of my classes. The third one, all that remains is an article-discussion, which was scheduled for today, but when I asked them if they wanted to put it off until Monday, they all did (so I hope their writeups are BETTER for that). During that time and the other hour before my second class, I wrote the other in-class exam I will need for next week, and sent the one I had written earlier off to the printer and the copy to Student Support for the person with an extra time accommodation. 

I also collected article critiques in a DIFFERENT class (my smallest class; there are 11 people still attending; I got nine critiques). My plan was to go home and read them (and the articles that they were based on - I assigned four people could choose from) but then I got to thinking - well, maybe this is a good chance to get a flu vaccine (this is the last shot I need for the fall). So I checked at the walgreens, and yes, they had appointments. Their shot giver guy, at least the one I've had before, is pretty good, and if you have needle-fear, it helps to have someone you can trust not to give a painful shot). So I made an appointment for 2:30, ran home and ate lunch (stopping at the grocery first for another half gallon of milk; I was out).

I re-read the discussion article for the Monday class (I had assigned it in a past year so just needed to refresh, and I had a list of guiding questions I had written up in the past).

Then I ran out to Walgreens.

In between all this, the eye clinic sent me a text - my new sunglasses were in. Okay, fine, maybe I get them after the vaccine.

And then I realized I had left one of the student article critiques in my office. Okay, fine, I go back after THAT and either get it or just grade them all in my office.

Out to get the vaccine. The process is normally pretty seamless; you check in by text and sit in the waiting area and the shot guy calls you when it's your time. Except, today, they may have been a bit understaffed (I heard one of the techs apologize to someone there was a bit of a wait). And maybe the shot-giver guy is also the pharmacist, the one with authority. Because there was a woman there fussing about how the prescription called in for her was Not Right. That she was supposed to get three weeks or whatever of her heart medicine and she was being given seven days. And she kept haranguing the shot guy, and he calmly said he needed to call her doctor. Well, while he was doing that, SHE tried calling (and may have tied up the line?). She went back and fussed more at him. And I was sitting there. It was not a good setting to try to read student papers in, so I couldn't work on them. Fifteen minutes past my appointment passed, then twenty. I wondered at what point I should quietly tell the tech I'd try to come back next week (except next week I travel), but decided to stay and wait.

The shot was a half-hour late. I was polite to the guy and didn't say anything; wasn't his fault anyway.

hopefully I don't get aches or chills tomorrow so I can't go; my arm is a little sore but then it always is with flu shots 

So then to the eye doctor's. The optical shop was SLAMMED and I waited like 15 minutes. Again, if they wanted to EFFICIENT, I think, they could have had one of the two opticians helping people *picking out* glasses frames and getting their prescription filled, and the other one just giving the finished glasses and checking the fit. But no, so I waited at least 15 minutes. 

But I finally got them.

At least the case will make them easy to find in my car (where I usually keep them)

Then I realized if I was going shopping, and maybe out for lunch, ESPECIALLY at small businesses where I might only spend a few dollars, it might make sense to get some cash. So I ran to the bank. (I don't have an ATM card; I did as a college student and learned fast I was not organized enough to remember to keep track of every transaction)

So I did that. 

And finally, back to campus, at 3:45 pm. On a Friday. (Remarkably, several of my colleagues were still there).

I sat down and read the papers I had skimmed earlier and made comments and put grades (I only had 8, but one more came in with an apologetic e-mail, as I was doing them)

Got those done shortly after 5, came home, washed my hair, finished piano practice, at not-the-most-nutritious dinner (a bowl of Chex and a couple servings of fruit) and just finished changing the bedsheets...

But at least tomorrow I can sleep in, and then go do what I want. I'm hoping maybe to find some small fun thing at an antique shop or maybe go to the fancy soap/candle/hand lotion store
 

Thursday evening things

 * Week's almost over, and my meetings for this month are done, thank goodness (last night was Board Meeting. Still no definite talk of shutting down, though it's acknowledged that filling the pulpit right now is hard - there's a shortage of pastors and we can't afford a full time one; we've been filling in with retired folks and seminary students).

I volunteered to do the third Sunday of Advent (right after finals) if they can't get someone. Then I checked and it's Gaudete Sunday, or the week of Joy.

Never let it be said God lacks a sense of humor; how many times have I said recently I struggled to find joy. But if I have to do the thing, I will do the thing. I will find a way.

 * I just need a little time off. This is the hard time of the semester for everyone; it gets a little harder to extend grace when a student needs an extension or keeps e-mailing me with anxious questions. Oh, I do the thing, and I am polite, but I can tell I feel worn. 

Also this is the point where I desperately wish I had someone to take care of me a little bit - someone to do the laundry for me some week when I'm tired, or cook for me, or even just give me some words of encouragement, but I don't often get any of that. And so I keep soldiering on and trying to find ways to simulate the feel of someone caring for me. (I probably get restaurant meals more than I ideally should, for example). 

* I do have to write an exam for next week tomorrow but if I can get that done, I can take Saturday off. And there's no "festival" that I can see planned for Denison (=so it won't be crowded and I won't have a struggle finding close places to park) and so I might try a little final Christmas shopping, but if that doesn't work, I have things in mind I can mail order. 

No, I don't know what I might want, I will have to figure something out to tell my mom. Difficulty level: she doesn't use the internet so anything mail ordered (which is more ideal given that she's older and doesn't like driving anywhere unfamiliar any more) has to come from a paper catalog. (I have a few saved up, even an KnitPicks one, in case. Though I'm not sure KnitPicks even takes orders over the phone any more). 

No, I don't just want money to buy "what I want," that's not fun. I'd rather get just a couple small things like a box of nice tea from the store or some gadget from the Ace hardware instead. 

* Christmas, at least the materialistic part of it, is a lot less fun when you're an adult. I wish I could still get excited about receiving gifts but I really can't - but I also can't quite bring myself to just say "no gifts at all"

*I did pull out some of the Christmas music and decided it wasn't too early to start running through some of the pieces. I guess I am improving a little bit, it seems the couple I tried are easier than they were last year.

 

Did the thing

 Back at the beginning of the month, I was even questioning if I wanted to put up a Christmas tree or not - I'm so busy, and so tired, and the world is an ugly mess and maybe there's not much to celebrate?

But then on the weekend I put up the lights over my door, and after getting a lot of stuff done this morning at school (and having no after-2 pm obligations) I decided to come home and put the tree up.

(Actually it was closer to 4; I had stayed over longer to take care of a couple future things, including preparing an exam for next week). 

And I had to do a little cleanup first, and after I cleared a spot I decided to vacuum. And I moved the critters normally on an upholstered side chair I don't really use so I could put some of my holiday ones out:

 Some of those I've had a long time. That bear in the top hat was to commemorate the year 2000, so I've had it 25 years now. The Grinch was from my niece; when she was fairly small and they were coming to my mom's for Thanksgiving she saw it somewhere (maybe they stopped to eat at a Cracker Barrel?) and decided I needed an extra Christmas present. The bear in the green sweater is an Aer Lingus souvenir; back around 2004 when my parents traveled to London they flew Aer Lingus and apparently they had a "shop cart" on the plane, and my mother decided to buy the bear for me. 

I did put up the tree. I had to stop and take a break to eat; I got very weak and shaky (it sometimes happens between 4:30 and 5, if I haven't eaten much for lunch). But then I got it up and even got the lights on before I washed my hair for the night:

I debated whether to put the ornaments on tonight or wait, but tomorrow is Board Meeting so I will have zero personal time, and I'm not sure what's up for Thursday (if I don't have some kind of surprise campus meeting I need to take my car for an oil change, and I have to wait there, they don't do loaners), so I went ahead and did it.

It took me almost an hour and a half because I put a LOT of ornaments on, and sometimes I move ones around to make places for other ones to fit in. But I got it done, or at least done for now:

 

There are some new ornaments this year. A friend from Bluesky sent me the Bingo and Chilli ornaments LAST year and I put them on now

 

And a Miss Piggy in her Pigs in Space outfit that I found online and ordered

 And lots of old favorites, you can see the Hudson clocktower one I bought from an Etsy seller, and the My Little Ponies, and mixed in there are a few ornaments I've had close to 25 years at this point:

 I'm glad I did it now. I could have done it on Saturday, but now Saturday is freed up if I have things I need to work on - or if I decide I want to go and do something (this is the last weekend before I travel for Thanksgiving, so if I'm looking for any additional "regional" Christmas gifts, now is the time). And I haven't been antiquing in literal ages and maybe I want to go?

But yeah, the world's still a mess but the Christmas tree does help remind me of good things. 

Couple Monday things

 * I made one concession to the upcoming holiday season yesterday:

 Christmas lights over the doorways, and a strand of giant jingle bells hung up (which I will have to adjust, the door opens into them and doesn't want to open all the way)

I MIGHT pick at putting up the tree this week. I don't know for sure. I'm still not totally in the mood; 2025 has really drained a lot of my remaining capacity for delight, I fear.

* I did do a little Christmas shopping; got to the little gourmet shop downtown on Saturday. It's easier when you go "what might they like" rather than "I want this specific thing for them." Mostly small gifts - some food items, some kitchen gadgets. For my mom at this point I get useful or use-upable gifts like food, she notes that at her age she doesn't need more clothes or jewelry. I will also mail order some things, probably from Stonewall Kitchen and maybe from Seabear. 

I don't know what I want. There's not really anything I need and some of my ability to "want" things has been blunted by ~everything~. One thing I really miss about childhood is the excitement of "I really want this toy and getting it would be the best thing ever" even though it never really WAS the best thing ever, when I was young I could forget that every year and get excited again about what I might get. 

As I've said many times, the things I would really want can't be bought in any store. 

* I also realized that if I was going to give the hat I was planning to give at the AAUW party (we do a "blind" gift exchange), I better start it. So I did on Sunday, and carried it along while giving an exam today

 It's a very dark russet-red - almost a brown - of a Loops and Threads yarn (Michael's). This one is almost a wool-ease clone, except it's smoother and more tightly spun (better: it feels good to knit and the stitches show better) and it's a true dk. The hat pattern I'm using ("Free Breakfast" - a waffle stitch hat) is really for a sport weight but it seems to be working with a dk. I'm using the twisted rib variation on the hat brim - you knit through the back of the loop and it twists the stitch a little. It makes the rib look more defined and tighter and I actually kind of prefer it even if it feels like it takes longer to do.

(ribbing always feels like it takes a long time).

I have some pickle-green or poison green (it's a hard color to explain, it's a very yellow green almost like a tennis ball) from the hand-dyed yarns the former owner of Quixotic Fibers does. I want to make one of these for myself. I was going to do mine first to test out the pattern but I got nervous I'd run out of time for the gift hat.  

Small November change

 I did put away the halloween stuff (well, not the extra set of lights; the blinking orange and purple ones are still up in here but I'll take them down tomorrow). 

 I decided to do "generic fall" on the porch, at least for a bit:

 

I also did a grocery run. Didn't have the energy to go to Denison, and tomorrow they are having a parade (Veterans' Day) and other things and I don't want to mess with the traffic. But wal-mart here on  Friday afternoon is not a good choice, but at least I got mostly what I needed. 

Tomorrow I might go to the farm store, supposedly they have new crop sweet potatoes. I might also go to the little gourmet shop to contemplate gifts - though I think I found something (mail ordered) for my brother. 

The one other thing I did was this. My new glasses were in. They don't look that different from my old ones but the prescription is different. The real test will be Monday, when I have to work on my computer at school, to see if I get an eyestrain headache like the ones I had been getting or not. 

 

This evening's meeting

 I'm a member of the local AAUW branch. Have been for years. One of the meetings I suggested for this year was getting a speaker of one of the Native languages in the area (we are almost an overlap between the Choctaw and Chickasaw nations) and the president was like "well, you know people on campus, see if they can find someone"

It took some doing. And the person I contacted (someone who sponsors a Native American group) was busy and had a little difficulty finding someone who would be free. So in the meantime, we had had the previous meeting of the group, and several members wanted to go to a performance on campus, and we had talked about just doing a short business meeting.

Well, then the next day the person I had e-mailed got back to me: she had a student who was very enthusiastic about wanting to present to us about women in Choctaw culture and I felt bad about the suggestion to cancel the speaker (and I wanted to see the talk) so I had them proceed.

Well, it turned out the speaker came early, it's possible I had sent a message saying "hey some people want to go to a performance, can you come a half hour earlier," and the members who planned to be present were there (the person who arranges times had called everyone)

As it turned out, one of the people who had wanted that had to care for an ill family member, so anyway.

But I'm glad I didn't cancel. For one thing, it was one of the university's students, and it's nice she can add this to her resume. But more importantly, it was a very interesting talk. I like this kind of "teach me something I don't already know" things. I didn't know about the language (interesting fact, Choctaw has at least two ways of forming possessives - one for "things outside of you" (in the sense of not-being-intrinsic) and "things intrinsic to you" (like emotions). According to the speaker, female relatives - the Choctaw people are a matrilineal society and women were traditionally very important "behind the scenes" power* - get the "intrinsic" possessive (so "my grandmother" is formed differently to "my grandfather"). Male relatives get the "not-intrinsic" possessive form. 

(*Apparently the men, who basically made up the government, would go home after a day of meeting/consultation over things like land disputes, and talk it over with their wives and/or mothers, and very often the decisions made were what the women - especially older women - recommended).

She also commented that "women were seen as wiser and less impulsive than men" and yeah, heh.

I had known about using competition rather than true warring to solve things like border conflicts; apparently stickball (which is somewhat related to lacrosse in how it's played) was often used, where the winners were the ones who got to settle the boundaries as they wanted. 

 She also talked about being proud of her culture and proud to be a Choctaw woman and that's good. It's nice to see it when people are proud, in a positive way, of their culture and want to learn more about it and be a good ambassador for it. She wore a traditional "fancy dress" (the long, ruffled skirt and top with a diamond design, and the apron over it.). 

At the very end she had some "cultural questions" and there were *prizes* if you were the first to answer correctly. I wasn't fast enough on the one about the "three sisters" crops (lots of people know that one, I also talk about it in my classes as an example of using a polyculture/mixed planting to avoid some of the problems with a monoculture and also keep the soil healthy). But I got one of them! She asked what it signified when a woman wore her dress back-to-front, given that they fit mostly the same way forward and backward, the difference being the zipper is ordinarily in the back. (it was multiple choice, I think one of the choices was "it's just easier to put on," and another one was "at funerals, to honor the ones who went before us" but I guessed the third because it seemed too practical not to be correct: "easy access when you're breastfeeding a baby" and that was right)

I won a small print of a dancer (I think he is supposed to be a dancer, maybe he's a stickball player, I haven't taken a close look at it yet) done by a well-known area artist. Which is really pretty nice and I might get it framed the next time I have a good Michael's coupon, and put it up somewhere. 

I admit I wasn't super enthusiastic going out again when I got home from school; I was tired. But I'm glad I went, it was really interesting and it was also enjoyable. 

And Wednesday evening

 * The longest and most difficult/tiring day of the week. And this week it was the last field lab of the season. (These are always stressful as they involve driving a fifteen passenger van). I'm glad it's done but I'm tired.

* At some point I guess I start thinking about Christmas? It still feels too early. I do need to take down the last of the Halloween stuff and decide if I put up my "generic fall" wreath and door mat or if I go straight to Early Christmas. I admit I do not feel the spirit much yet, don't know if I will, but maybe it's a fake-it-till-you-make-it.

Many years, I had my Christmas shopping done by now, but this semester has been so busy I haven't been out for other than basic groceries in a little while, and of course there's *very little* in town (I could try the local gourmet shop, if for nothing else, for stocking stuffers). I mail ordered something for my niece but it's backordered and I'll feel bad if it doesn't come on time. 

I might do gift certificates for my brother and sister in law, and I'm considering some kind of fancy-food thing for my mom - I've done smoked salmon in the past and she liked that, or maybe I can find a couple of gift basket type things.

It does hit differently once the family is scattered and you've lost people. I even used to send a "family gift" to the aunts and uncles. 

* it doesn't help that it's been unseasonably warm; it was close to 80 F today

* I am still working on the hat. I'm not quite midway through the crown before the decreases but at least it's looking more like a hat

I do need to start the AAUW gift hat (I may use a simpler pattern, and one truly written for a dk as that's the size yarn I have for it - this one is closer to a heavy fingering weight).

* I'm still enjoying reading "A Far Better Thing." I'm pretty sure it will wind up breaking my heart (based on what I know of the source story, "A Tale of Two Cities") Stories where a character chooses to sacrifice themselves for the good of another that they love always get to me. 

I might read the "source story" next, though Dickens is more impenetrable than this novel and it'll take me a while.

* I did buy myself a little something - well, it was a donation premium for world wildlife fund. I got a "cross fox," which is apparently a fox with a mixed color coat

 

I decided to name him Christopher because Christopher Cross (get it?) but only after a quick check of the official biography on Wikipedia to make sure he didn't "break bad" in some way in recent years (because some well known people have, and I hadn't heard anything about him in a while. Apparently he's been unwell, had a bad bout of COVID in the early days of it)

And if you're not a kid of the 80s or a fan of yacht rock, this might remind you: